Copied from my journal on 6-6-12
We’re at Sunset beach watching the sunset… or rather the sunset approaching. I like to think I can do things on my own. But I haven’t found a job yet. I clearly won’t find one without God’s help, but I’m getting so discouraged I won’t find one at all.
The ocean smells like salt, permeating the air. The tide rolls in, deposits what it can onto the beach and retreats to move along the shore. Sweep in, sweep out. Roll in, roll out. On and on it won’t ever end. Not as long as the earth is spinning and the moon tags along.
There’s sky and sea, kissing at the horizon. Birds flying wherever they please and half a ship sticking out of the sea. A relic from an unfortunate accident long ago. A reminder that we’re not as big as we think. The tide doesn’t need me to be here in order to flow. I’m not even half a ship run aground on a beach.
Water splashes against the rocks. Immoveable firm rocks. Not yielding.
Lord, You are creator, sustainer, Redeemer. You are the head of the Universe. The Ocean doesn’t care for me, the rocks won’t move for me. The birds even may poop on me. But Father You are the puppeteer of them all.
Help me not to focus on me so much. Father help me to focus on you. On who you are. What does it matter what I can do? I am the ant I just flicked off my leg. In my pride and arrogance I think I’ve climbed a mountain on my own. All I’ve done is climbed a leg. 6 inches off the ground. And the significance is squelched the moment I stand to admire what I’ve done.
How come I can find this when even I search a little, but when I’m going, doing, speaking and interacting I find myself to be the sole of importance. Lord help me to rid myself of me. Help me to die to myself so that I can focus on you.
Just as a side note this is a little old, and I pretty much have a job…I’ll explain that more when I for real have a job and paper work and stuff. But God did answer my prayer when I began the process of not focusing on myself…which is really hard, but I’m a work in progress.